Thursday, January 13, 2011


I get so irritated when I push the refresh button on my internet browser and the page whites out and the little green bar at the bottom of the screen freezes a third of the way to complete.  I don't have the patience to wait. So, I push it again, and again, and sometimes, again, which results in...a blank screen and irritation. 

I feel like I've been doing that with my life.  I'm tired and discouraged and run down and I keep trying to quickly hit the Refresh button, hoping that one day spent relaxing or a weekend away from "life" and ministry will fill me back up.  But, I only get more frustrated and feel like change will never come.

Today I've been thinking a lot about change.  There's a lot of change that happens to us, and then there's the change we have to make happen.  I'm in a season of both.

The hardest part is learning to make time to be refreshed in all the challenges of life.  The depletion didn't happen overnight.  It was a result of not prioritizing my time with God one day, facing questions with no earthly answers another, feeling other's responsibility as my own yet another day, and on and on. 

And so, the refreshment will not happen overnight either.  I'm working on making space to just sit and listen to the words of songs that touch me or to bring clarity to the thoughts in my head by coaxing them out on paper.  I'm trying to bring perspective to which responsibilities are mine and which are not.  I'm working on listening to God's voice.  I'm trying to evaluate priorities and expectations.  I'm trying to be at peace with the little increments of improvement and not keep trying for instant fixes.  Then, like the green bar at the bottom of my browser, with patience and God's timing, refreshment will come.

One day at a time. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures. 
He leads me beside still waters. 
He restores my soul...
Psalm 23

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