Choose to Adopt

You wouldn't believe the lack of delicacy that occurs when a young, childless couple announces their desire to adopt.  "What, you can't have kids?" or "You don't want to have any of your 'own' kids?" or my fave, "So, are you just swingin' and missin'?" have been frequently asked questions as Andrew and I have pursued adoption. 

First of all, it makes me sad that so many people, even unconsciously, think of adoption as a last choice option.  But secondly, knowing families that have struggled with the very personal and heartbreaking journey of infertility, I want to burst into tears and sobbingly concoct a story about my barren womb just to teach them a lesson in decorum.  So far, I have refrained.

Now I know what you're thinking, "So are you just swingin' and missin'?"  Haha.  I guess it's human nature to be curious about intimate details of other people's lives, and thus I have (very politely I might say) informed people that we have no idea and consider our decision to adopt just the beginning of our family, one that may have both birth and adoptive children in it!

The short answer to the question about our decision to adopt is, "Because God told us to."  The longer answer is even still unfolding in our hearts and minds as we continue on this journey, now welcoming a little one into our home.  Before beginning the adoption process we would have considered ourselves knowledgeable about adoption and might have subconsciously patted ourselves on the back that we had already talked about adopting someday in the future.  Go us.  But, as God has led us into this He has humbled us and taught us and opened our eyes to how much He has a heart for adoption, so much so, that He made each of us part of His sacred family via adoption.  When you think about it that way, adoption is a perfectly normal expression of God's kingdom...one that doesn't come with pats on the back, but with reverent humility. 

I do not think that choosing to adopt because you cannot have biological children is a bad thing.  I know many families who have adopted for this reason who have developed a passion for caring for orphans and have been a godly demonstration of God's love as they grew their family.  I have also seen a few families in which this is not the case, and that is sad.

How God brings a family to the decision to adopt will be unique in each situation, but God has been teaching Andrew and I that the result in everything we do, including adoption, should be more glory to God not us.  There is nothing special about us, just the God we serve.  I want to encourage anyone who may have thought about adoption, or maybe those of you who haven't even considered it, that God could use you to impact this world through adoption.  There are 163 million orphans in the world, 150,000 of them right here in the U.S.  If you consider yourself pro-life, consider being part of the solution by making one of these children your own.

There are many support groups and resources out there for adoptive families.  I have found a few to be particularly helpful.  I recently read a book by Helen Lee called, The Missional Mom, and while it addresses so much more than adoption, it does a great job of talking about adoption as an intentional choice to bring glory to God in our lives through missional living. Helen Lee also has a website and blog that has links to more resources here.  Another great book is Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russel Moore.  Focus on the Family also has wonderful resources to find out more about adoption.  If you are considering foster care, or adoption through the foster care system I would suggest you search for a Christian support group in your city.  We received our training and continue to get support from One Heart Family Ministries here in St. Louis.  It makes all the difference to walk this journey with others looking to serve the Lord with their lives and their families.

My prayer for you (and me) is that, "...whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17 

And while there have been and are many challenges yet ahead for us in this journey, Andrew and I have found that following the Lord's direction in our life has given us much to be thankful for...one crazy little two year old in particular.

Parenthood: Day 7

We're on day seven of full-time parenthood and it all feels surprisingly normal.  Packing snacks and sippy cups for outings and cleaning up accidents and spending an hour trying to get the kid's pool to properly inflate all seem like just another day.  Everyone has told us, every chance they get, "This will change your life!"  And it has, but then again it also hasn't.  I think it helps that Andrew and I are already old, we stay in most nights and we're around kids a lot.  So, aside from the lost luxury of sleeping in, not too much has changed. 

First week of parenthood: lots of hugs and kisses, dance parties, head injuries as a result of the dance parties, first cold at our house, first time to catch the kid's cold and the whole family feel like crap, hearing his occasional use of Mama and Daddy, reading books, singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" over and over and over, watching Andrew get more excited about Little Man's new toys than Little Man himself, time outs, picking out the kid's ginormous boogers, good time with friends, and lots and lots of laughter.

It's been a good week...praying for so many more.

The Luckiest

There's a love song by Ben Folds called "The Luckiest," which starts out sweet and then ends with something about an old man and a young girl and I don't think it's supposed to...but it kinda creeps me out. 

The other day I thought to myself, "I'm the Luckiest."  It had nothing to do with that song or old men, but as Andrew and I get to have our little guy around and pray for a smooth adoption process I feel blessed at how God has worked things out so far. 

There have been a few responses to our decision to adopt that make it sound like it is a sacrifice for us to welcome a little one into our lives.  Perhaps, but no more than any other parent must sacrifice to include a child in their family.  There's already been some early mornings and time outs, diarrhea and tantrums--the usual 2 year old thing.  To us, it just feels pretty normal.

We've had the same reaction from some people about our lives as missionaries.  I've actually had someone come up to me at a church service and say to me, "You must be a saint to do this."  I know, those of you who know me are laughing hysterically at this point.  The truth is, we're just regular people living where God asked us to live and we wouldn't have it any other way.  To us, it seems pretty normal too.

Honestly, the idea that it takes super-Christians to do things like adopt or do missions or fight for justice is what keeps millions of orphans parentless, so many eternally lost, and people groups in oppressive poverty. 

We're not special.  We just do our best to say yes, when we feel God asks us to do something. My life has not turned out anything like I would have pictured it years ago, but I wouldn't change it for anything.  I'm not a glass-half full sort of girl, but when I listen to our little guy singing "Be Brave, Be Strong" with the other neighborhood kids in Back Yard Bible Club I think, "I'm the Luckiest."

Busied to Death

Surely life isn't supposed to be like this.  This thought has been bouncing around in my over-crowded mind all summer long.  I find myself longing for the end of the day, week, month, counting down the days until the busy summer is over.  As if that will fix the problem.  Every time I get to the breaking point I think, this is just a season, but then the season starts all over again and I'm living the slow death of busyness once again.

In moments where I am tenaciously clinging to the sanity God gave me I feel convicted that this is surely not how He intended me to live.  Running around frantically, half out of my mind, constantly apologizing for forgetting things and acting crazy cannot be what Jesus had in mind when He commissioned us to go out in the world with his love and peace.  I think I've succumbed to a culture of achievement, a culture of "have it all, do it all, be it all."  What really terrifies me is that I'm already over-extended and kids with all their energy and activities and needs are just now making an entrance into our lives.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.  But, I don't want to live my life feeling strung out and stressed out.  We say to ourselves, just trust God, read your Bible more, find time to pray, but maybe on top of that God is asking us to quit a few things and slow down the pace of life.  I painted the words "Be still and know that I am God" on my dining room wall but I rarely live it out.

I'm not sure the systemic changes that are necessary can be made in time to alter the next week of my crazy summer life, but certainly things need to change.  With a child entering our lives it puts more than our sanity and emotional health on the line...it puts his on the line too.  Am I going to pass on to him a feeling of frenetic activity in the name of serving the Lord or an abiding peace in knowing God and living out His calling on our lives?

I'm taking a look at my life and realizing I'm in need of a few things.  I'm in need of learning to say no to things.  I'm in need of finding a niche that I'm really passionate about within the ministry I love so much.  I'm in need of more quiet time in the Word.  I'm in need of time to invest in my marriage, my family, my friends.  I'm in need of more Jesus and less activity. 

I don't want to be busied to death.  I can't keep asking for peace from God when I continue to make choices that shut the door on any opportunity to accept it.

The Long-Awaited Call

Days in the summer blur outside of their designated space; I have trouble remembering what day it is and which week we're marking off the calendar of programs. Summers are always intense and this one has not disappointed!

Two Thursdays ago we got a life-altering call, that turned the intense level up a notch! We were chosen as a pre-adoptive home for the cutest 2 1/2-year-old boy you've ever seen (OK, I may already be a little partial). Joy. Terror. Excitement. Anticipation. Overwhelmedness (Is that a word? Maybe not but you know the feeling). These are the feelings that have ensued since that call.

We met Little Man (that's what I'll call him since we cannot share photos or personal details about him on the internet until the adoption is finalized) a week and a half ago...really, only a week and a half? It seems longer in the blur of summer. We have already had a blast building a relationship with him and cannot wait to have him move in sometime in the next few weeks!

Just like everything else about our adoption journey it continues to be a test of our trust in the Lord and a testimony of His faithfulness. Through a series of events that can only be described as providential we found ourselves on the receiving end of an excited acceptance call from our licensing worker and Little Man's foster parents. Yet, there is still a journey ahead. This case is a legal risk placement, meaning there are many variables ahead and a daunting wait until adoption finalization can happen. This is not uncommon, particularly with younger children in the foster care system, but it is a test in trusting the Lord as we step out in faith and welcome this little guy into our lives.

God has continued to speak words to me about trusting in Him, even though everything in my controlling heart wants to rebel and subsequently freak out! One night while laying in bed worrying about the process I felt relief from Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight." The road looks long and winding right now and so much of this process makes me feel inadequate, but all I'm responsible for is clinging to God for dear life and trusting that whether or not this goes as we would hope that He will see us through any challenges ahead! But, we are praying for a smooth process and remaining hopeful!

I wish we could share his picture with you because he has, as Andrew says, a "Million Dollar Smile" and I already miss his sweet face when we do not have him with us. So many thoughts are spinning in my head right now, so that is all for now! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We have felt so loved by everyone's excitement for us!

I'm gonna be a Mom, yikes! :)

A Hot Mess

One of the guys from our basketball program has a shirt that says "I'm a Hot Mess"...Andrew told me I needed that shirt yesterday.

Does anyone else feel like the carefree days of summer are just a distant memory that may or may not have been real?  I feel like summer used to feel like one endless day of fun.  Even in college I had a few years when I was not in summer school and work was light and I took many trips to the beach...the good ol' days.  Now summer just feels like one endless....

Summer is not a vacation in grown-up land.  In fact, it has become the most stressful and hectic part of the year for me.  Because there is so much ministry that happens in the summer it has become a season I anticipate with both excitement and dread.

In case the disturbingly early and frequent heat advisories hadn't clued you in yet: it's summer and I'm already a hot mess.

Aside from the fact that while your body is sweating your brain is 10x more likely to go crazy on people (totally my personal opinion but I'm sure there must be scientific evidence), I have about three people's full-time jobs to take care of and for someone who needs focus to do things well...I feel like I'm losing my mind most days.  Add a healthy dose of emotional stress while we continue on our adoption journey and you've got a recipe for "Homicidal Adria"--and that is not someone any of us want to meet.

It's hard for me to claim the peace I have in Christ when the days are never ending and filled with frantic to-do lists.  It's hard for me not to feel alone in my humongous work load.  It's hard for me to center myself when I feel pulled in too many directions and the days just never seem to end.  It's hard for me to find patience stored in the deep recesses of my heart when I'm hot and sweaty and frantically trying to stay above water.

It's hard, but it's not impossible.  Or, at least the Bible tells me so.  And that is what I need to cling to.  There is peace despite the circumstances.  "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.  I need more of that in my life.  Some of the things that keep me going:


This photo is so peaceful to me. The color isn't great because it's a photo of a photo that Kelly gave me from his collection. We secretly named it "Hope for an INTJ." I love it and stand in the hall and stare at it on particularly rough days :).



That face has to make you smile.



I don't always like to admit it, but he keeps me calm and forces me to see the positive even if under duress.





OK, doing the "Human Knot" with a bunch of 12-15 year olds in a room with no AC is not the most calming activity, but I do love these kids.

Racial Reconciliation and Fried Banana Pudding

Earlier this week Andrew and I went out to dinner with our friends and neighbors from across the street.  We decided to go to a restaurant we had all been talking about where they serve more food on one plate than should be legal.

We got to the restaurant, sat down and started studying which glutinous sin we wanted to commit.  As we talked over the merits of fried chicken vs. porkchops a man came up behind our booth and interrupted our conversation.  He was one of the cleaning staff.

He leaned in and said, "What you guys are doing here is so great.  You don't see that very often around here.  It's really wonderful."  He said this as he gestured to our neighbors and then to us.

We didn't quite know how to respond.  After he left we looked at each other a little perplexed.  Our neighbors are African American.  We, obviously, are not.  It hadn't crossed our mind that someone would see us sharing a meal together and find that different, even inspiring. 

The man commenting on our friendship was also African American.  There was something a little off about him but he was very sincere.  As we were finishing up dinner, he came back by our table to talk some more.  The theme of his comments continued to touch on how much he thought our interracial friendship was a great example of something people don't usually engage in. 

At one point in the conversation our neighbor got distracted when a photo of the restaurant's Fried Banana Pudding dessert flashed up on the tv screen.  He asked our interested guest if it was any good.  "It's great," the man said.  "In fact I'll buy it for you, if you want it.  I think you guys are doing such a great thing, I'll order one for you."

And, since men don't turn down free food even if they just ate enough food for a small village, the husbands at the table said, "OK."

When we left the restaurant we laughed about the experience.  But even though we didn't think there was anything unusual about our time together, I felt a deep sadness for the employee.  He was so sincere about the issue that he must have experienced some significant hurt throughout the years.  He obviously felt deeply the racial bigotry and tension that still often lays under the surface in our politically correct culture.  It hurt me to think about that.  I don't like to think that race still means so much in our world, but it does.

We did take home some delicious friend banana pudding from the restaurant, but I also took away a heavy heart.  I pray that the man carried home with him a lighter heart.  Even if he didn't know Christ, I hope he might have felt some of Jesus' reconciling power just by seeing a very simple and uninspiring act of friends from different racial and cultural backgrounds sharing a meal together.

I am so thankful that we serve a God who sees us all as His beautiful children and that I have the privilege to look into the face of someone much different than me and see Him.