Surely life isn't supposed to be like this. This thought has been bouncing around in my over-crowded mind all summer long. I find myself longing for the end of the day, week, month, counting down the days until the busy summer is over. As if that will fix the problem. Every time I get to the breaking point I think, this is just a season, but then the season starts all over again and I'm living the slow death of busyness once again.
In moments where I am tenaciously clinging to the sanity God gave me I feel convicted that this is surely not how He intended me to live. Running around frantically, half out of my mind, constantly apologizing for forgetting things and acting crazy cannot be what Jesus had in mind when He commissioned us to go out in the world with his love and peace. I think I've succumbed to a culture of achievement, a culture of "have it all, do it all, be it all." What really terrifies me is that I'm already over-extended and kids with all their energy and activities and needs are just now making an entrance into our lives. It makes me tired just thinking about it. But, I don't want to live my life feeling strung out and stressed out. We say to ourselves, just trust God, read your Bible more, find time to pray, but maybe on top of that God is asking us to quit a few things and slow down the pace of life. I painted the words "Be still and know that I am God" on my dining room wall but I rarely live it out.
I'm not sure the systemic changes that are necessary can be made in time to alter the next week of my crazy summer life, but certainly things need to change. With a child entering our lives it puts more than our sanity and emotional health on the line...it puts his on the line too. Am I going to pass on to him a feeling of frenetic activity in the name of serving the Lord or an abiding peace in knowing God and living out His calling on our lives?
I'm taking a look at my life and realizing I'm in need of a few things. I'm in need of learning to say no to things. I'm in need of finding a niche that I'm really passionate about within the ministry I love so much. I'm in need of more quiet time in the Word. I'm in need of time to invest in my marriage, my family, my friends. I'm in need of more Jesus and less activity.
I don't want to be busied to death. I can't keep asking for peace from God when I continue to make choices that shut the door on any opportunity to accept it.