In a perfect world for me (Adria), the Winds of Change would be a light breeze, something gentle and pleasant...the kind of breeze that gently pushes back stale air and draws refreshingly cool and fragrant air across your skin as you lay under the sun on the beach. Rarely has this idyllic metaphor proven itself to be the way of life. These days the Winds of Change seem like gale force winds. Under the pressure of these winds old things are completely blown away and the new is suddenly and immediately dropped into your path. It's not my favorite part of life.
Life and ministry (can the two even really be considered separately in ministry?) have been a swirl with these kinds of change. Pieces of the known have been ripped up and thrown off in the distance and new things have been dropped into our path, like transplanted debris in a storm. It makes me feel a little unsettled, tired, frustrated, excited and sad.
I have always had a little difficulty saying goodbye to what is safe and comfortable. We recently had a staff couple leave, who are good friends and who came on at the same time I did, which was a hard loss. Andrew and I moved yet again and it all came about in a surge of activity that left me tired and frustrated - this is my 4th move in 4 years. Our move was to a bigger staff house only a few blocks away (a good move), but each block here is nearly like its own neighborhood and it feels further from our previous "home" than it really is. My ideas, vision, competancy, relationships, and personality have been challenged by new horizons.
The new things God is bringing to us are exciting: new staff, new programs, new contacts, new possibilities. It is so evident that God is providing and moving in special ways right now. I find joy in these things, yet, the very fact that these things are new and sudden things leaves me feeling a little unsettled. It takes extra energy for me to build new relationships and start up programs. It places a nervous excitement in my stomach as I see what can and will be, yet am overwhelmed with the process.
And so, I find myself in an unwarranted state of melancholy, presented with so many waves of great blessings and yet like a new sailor at sea, struggling to still feel grounded. Praise God that He does not rely on my delicate constitution to stir up good things, for He is doing great things here, and I pray that He will have patience with me until I get my sea legs!