The Heart of a Boy

I just don't get what makes fart jokes ALWAYS funny, how almost anything can be turned into a weapon, and why it is so important to always ferret out "the bad guy" and pretend to fight him.  But, as a mother of a boy (and, let's be real, a wife), this has become my life.

Last week Dr. Don Davis preached a sermon on David and Goliath.  It is well worth a listen.  Something he said has been percolating in my mind all week: A boy has all the intent of a man, with none of the strength to back it up.  What a fragile place to be.  It was a tangential statement of sorts, but the implications are stunning.

Too many men emerge from adolescence confused about their purpose in life, and I think this is one reason why.  Their boyish hearts have been filled to bursting with all the passion and honor and courage God intended for them, but life, or parents, or their own sin have damaged how they see themselves.  God whispered identity and purpose in their hearts early, but their hearts were mishandled and they don't know who they are anymore.

I'm not a mother who worries over nutrition or injuries and such, but I do worry about my son knowing who he is in Christ.  How do you handle a boy's heart held in such a fragile place?  I have seen men, whose mothers never let them try things and whose fathers always berated their achievements.  They emerge from childhood stifled and afraid.  They forget that their power is in the Spirit and their eyes drop in shame from the conquest of the horizon.

But I have also seen men whose mothers told them they could do anything they set their minds to and whose fathers channelled all their misapplied intent into their son's talents.  When life doesn't align with this self-centered worldview, they become disillusioned by failure, or lost in the pursuit of their talents.  They forget that their power is from the Spirit and they see the horizon as their personal conquest.

And some men were never told God's story, that they are part of a mission much bigger than themselves, and they are bored, seeking to fill their warrior-sized intent with self-gratifying distractions.

But David, when he took on Goliath, knew exactly who he was and for what he was made.  Mocked for being nothing, he knew everything he needed was in the Lord.  He neither dropped his eyes in shame, or claimed the battle for himself.  He was on mission for the Lord.

I want to raise a son with the heart of David.  I want to build up the intent that God placed within him, let him fail enough that he knows the battle can't be won on his own, and instill in him the wisdom to know when God is calling him to conquer the horizon in His name.

No pressure, Mom.

I know it takes being parents who have hearts like David...mothers and fathers who are clear about their identity in Christ and who have vision to claim the horizon for Christ's name.  It requires my son to be grounded in the story of God's great plan to bring the world under His rule and reign and to know God wants to use him as part of this plan.  And, it requires his Mama to acknowledge his life as an offering to the Lord, praying not for his safety or success, but for his strong identity in Christ and fearless abandon in the battle of the Lord.

The heart of a boy, if settled in the hands of God, can propel him to conquer giants.

Acceptance

Adoption can be complicated, and, then, sometimes it's not.  Since moving to Wichita, I have been thinking a lot about the implications of our adopted, trans-racial family.  In St. Louis we were familiar with the particular places in which people would stare at us strangely, and the places in which no one even gave us a second glance.  Now I am discovering these places here in Wichita. 

Most days I don't think much about it, but, let's face it, adoption (particularly trans-racial adoption) brings with it delicate issues.  When I give Little Man a haircut, I worry that I haven't done his hair justice, and I wonder, when we get our first negative comment in public, what I will say.  When people ask, "Is that your son?", how do I respond so that he feels secure?

Last night we had a talk with our son about another delicate topic--birth parents.  He has met them both, but was too young to remember.  We have had other little conversations with him over the past year, but with his adoption we received pictures of his birth father and mother.  The pictures aren't the best quality of photos, so I worked hard to doctor them up, trying to make them look as special as they actually are.  Before bedtime, all three of us curled up on the couch to read My New Family (a great children's book about adoption, if you're looking for one), and to show him the pictures of his birth parents for the first time.

I was a little nervous.  I mean, how do you share something so important and complicated with a three-year-old?  We want to be as open as we can with him about his birth parents, help him honor them, and support any of his future questions, but we haven't been through this before, and feel like we're making up the words as we go along.  Gratefully, the book gives a great outline to help tell your family's story.  After we read the book and told his story he excitedly put the photo of his birth parents in a special place.  I felt the weight of the conversation as I looked at their faces.  He smiled and then turned and said, "Can you fix my tent now?"  Such sweet and simple acceptance.

I know that these conversations will get more complicated as he grows older and he will wrestle more with his feelings, but for now, he accepts his history in the context of his simple faith in Mama and Daddy.  And, one day, I pray he accepts the storms of life with a deeper faith that keeps him grounded in the knowledge of His heavenly Father.

Home Sweet Home

I never thought I'd say this (it's the California girl in me), but Kansas has been good to us so far. We moved in on the 14th, with gobs of help from staff unloading our copious amounts of material possessions (hello, American consumerism). Tired of living in a maze of boxes for weeks, we powered through a few long days and got completely unpacked. Tomorrow it's been two weeks, and despite a few loose ends (DMV, I hate you), we're mostly settled in.

We have been blown away by the care and concern bestowed on us by our new team. We're excited about our new roles at The Urban Ministry Institute and for the opportunity to work with them. Our first full week here we joined the team to visit a nearby prison where Prison Fellowship is starting a TUMI satellite. God is doing amazing things through this partnership to equip men (and women) to spread the Gospel in and outside of prison! We still can't believe we're on staff with TUMI, but we are....really. Check us out, we look official and everything!

After two weeks in Wichita, we have found a good place to get Mexican food, a shop that sells donuts with bacon on them, the Fire fighter's Museum, the Nature Center, and, of course, located our usual haunts...Target, Walmart, Starbucks, etc. Judah's grandma here in Kansas has also made sure that he is decked out in KU Jayhawk paraphernalia.

We certainly miss our old neighborhood and the people we love in St. Louis, but, God has given us peace and our new staff have made us feel so welcomed, which makes the loss significantly more tolerable. And so, our Kansas adventure begins...

Goodbye

Tail lights will chart our course from St. Louis to Wichita today.  One chapter in our lives is coming to a close, the next page poised for a turn.  God doesn't promise that we won't experience pain as we follow Him, but He leads and carries us through.

As we leave North St. Louis there have been some who have secretely (and not so secretly) thought that we are lucky to leave this...

But they forget that there is another side of the story...

We love our beautiful city and know that God has wonderful plans for each beautiful soul.

We say goodbye, for now, but you go in our hearts.

The Meal

Who would have thought that a Chicken Sandwich Meal would symbolize a moral schism in our nation, an impetuous for both division and connectedness?

Generally, I reserve my controversial conversations for things other than politics; in ministry we have found "conservative" and "liberal" to be words that distract from truly important things.

But, today, I felt unrest as I watched Facebook fill with accounts of "taking a stand."   As I thought about Christians (and conservatives) breaking bread (and chicken) together while the world looked on, it made me think of another, more important meal.  This meal, also has the power to unite and divide.  When Christians stand shoulder-to-shoulder and break this bread we are bonded together with Christ and set apart from those who do not believe in our Savior.  It commemorates the story of our redemption...Communion.

I am fully behind free speech, and Biblical values, but the gnawing feeling in my gut makes me wonder if we've got the right meal on our minds today.  Christians have been angry, reacting to harsh opposing words.  Christ promised us opposition (as He experienced to the point of the cross), why then are we so shocked when it occurs in our lives?  The hatred is not directed toward us, it is directed at Him, through us.

This means we can relax a little and not take things so personally.  It gives us the opportunity to step back and see issues in light of the people involved, to brush aside the personal affront and respond in love.  We are angry because we feel hurt; the other side is angry because they feel...hurt.  Christ came to bring healing and we are His hands and feet.  Standing in support of a company's opinion is not wrong, but is the stand being taken symbolized by a Chicken Sandwich or the bread and wine of communion?  I guarantee people who don't share our views can feel the difference; we on the other hand (in our self-righteous rage) may not.

His blood was spilled for all of us.  Does the LGBT community know that we break bread in remembrance of our collective need for salvation?  Are the humble words of Christ ready on our lips, or is our mouth busy taking angry bites of a Chicken Sandwich?

The offense was to Christ, and He has already answered it with His body and blood.  Are we being selective about who we bring to the table, or is it possible, do you think, to grab a person who believes differently than us and break tacos or burgers or even a Chicken Sandwich, in the hope that love is more life-changing than being right? Because, after all, Jesus did the same for us.

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.”  And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Matthew 26:26-28

Moving On

Both Andrew and I moved to St. Louis directly out of college.  We came from Kansas and California respectively, never having lived in the inner city, but the minute we both moved to North St. Louis (he 11 years ago and I 6) we felt at home.  We spent our formative adult years here, we were married here, we were blessed with our first child here.  St. Louis is a part of us.  Inner-city ministry here in our neighborhood has shaped us and stretched us and we feel a deep connection to our community and our neighbors.

And so, it is with a mixture of excitement and deep sadness that we are now called to move on.  We have served with World Impact these past years and now our service is directing our journey to new opportunities with a branch of World Impact's ministry, The Urban Ministry Institute (TUMI).  This requires a move to Wichita, Kansas.  While Andrew gets to return to his roots, never did I imagine this California girl would be a Kansan! 

The change in service was a surprise to us, and at first the thought of leaving our cherished city was heart-breaking, but we have done a lot of praying and wrestling with the Lord and believe that He is leading us into a new season of ministry.  Our calling remains unchanged, even if our role in ministry is changing.  TUMI is committed to equipping urban leaders for church planting through establishing and supporting satellites around the world to provide theological and ministry training for these leaders.  For more information about TUMI visit our website here.

We are excited to serve and learn with TUMI and to discover new ways that we can flesh out our calling to seeing churches planted in the inner cities of America.  TUMI is a powerful ministry and we can't wait to see first-hand how God transforms lives in U.S. cities and cities around the world.

We move in exactly two weeks!  It is unreal to think we will no longer walk out in the morning and see our neighbors on their porch.  We will not be spending our summers with the youth from our neighborhood, or Thursday nights with the men from our Basketball Outreach.  For these things we are grieving; there are so many that are dear to us here.  This is more than a move for us.  It is a bit like tearing apart the fibers of our lives and the lives of people here which have grown together over the last decade.  It hurts. 

Yet, we know God goes before us and with us and behind us and we are in His hands.  Often, God uses times where we are stripped away from the things we know to teach us more dependence on Him.  Wherever we go in life, we will go in faith.  We've seen some hard times but God has always been faithful, it's who He is.  Forever we are grateful for the opportunity to serve here in St. Louis and look forward to the journey God has stretching out before us.

And Then There Were THREE!

Friday marked one of the greatest days our little family has seen!  It involved about twenty minutes in a court room and a very delicious meal out with friends, but what actually happened was a legal confirmation of what we have felt in our hearts all along...Little Man is officially our son!  Oh, what a day!

He also received a new name, one we chose specifically for him.  Judah.  Judah means "praise" and anyone who knows him knows that he exudes music and joy and enthusiasm.  We praise God for bringing us such a special gift and we pray that his life is poured out as a praise-offering for the Lord, drawing others to praise Him too.  Some have questioned changing his name, fearing for his little identity.  It is actually quite common within the adoption world to change children's names as they are now part of a new heritage.  We do not do this to dishonor where he comes from.  We are forever grateful to his birth parents for giving him life, but we do want to acknowledge the full adoption into our family.  It was also a unique opportunity to give him a name that spoke to what we pray will be his future.  God changed people's names often in scripture, telling them who He meant for them to be.  Judah was meant to praise his Maker and we pray he lives out this purpose!

Meet our family!  Photos courtesy of the talented Susie Whyte at Whyte House Photography!