Moving On

Both Andrew and I moved to St. Louis directly out of college.  We came from Kansas and California respectively, never having lived in the inner city, but the minute we both moved to North St. Louis (he 11 years ago and I 6) we felt at home.  We spent our formative adult years here, we were married here, we were blessed with our first child here.  St. Louis is a part of us.  Inner-city ministry here in our neighborhood has shaped us and stretched us and we feel a deep connection to our community and our neighbors.

And so, it is with a mixture of excitement and deep sadness that we are now called to move on.  We have served with World Impact these past years and now our service is directing our journey to new opportunities with a branch of World Impact's ministry, The Urban Ministry Institute (TUMI).  This requires a move to Wichita, Kansas.  While Andrew gets to return to his roots, never did I imagine this California girl would be a Kansan! 

The change in service was a surprise to us, and at first the thought of leaving our cherished city was heart-breaking, but we have done a lot of praying and wrestling with the Lord and believe that He is leading us into a new season of ministry.  Our calling remains unchanged, even if our role in ministry is changing.  TUMI is committed to equipping urban leaders for church planting through establishing and supporting satellites around the world to provide theological and ministry training for these leaders.  For more information about TUMI visit our website here.

We are excited to serve and learn with TUMI and to discover new ways that we can flesh out our calling to seeing churches planted in the inner cities of America.  TUMI is a powerful ministry and we can't wait to see first-hand how God transforms lives in U.S. cities and cities around the world.

We move in exactly two weeks!  It is unreal to think we will no longer walk out in the morning and see our neighbors on their porch.  We will not be spending our summers with the youth from our neighborhood, or Thursday nights with the men from our Basketball Outreach.  For these things we are grieving; there are so many that are dear to us here.  This is more than a move for us.  It is a bit like tearing apart the fibers of our lives and the lives of people here which have grown together over the last decade.  It hurts. 

Yet, we know God goes before us and with us and behind us and we are in His hands.  Often, God uses times where we are stripped away from the things we know to teach us more dependence on Him.  Wherever we go in life, we will go in faith.  We've seen some hard times but God has always been faithful, it's who He is.  Forever we are grateful for the opportunity to serve here in St. Louis and look forward to the journey God has stretching out before us.

And Then There Were THREE!

Friday marked one of the greatest days our little family has seen!  It involved about twenty minutes in a court room and a very delicious meal out with friends, but what actually happened was a legal confirmation of what we have felt in our hearts all along...Little Man is officially our son!  Oh, what a day!

He also received a new name, one we chose specifically for him.  Judah.  Judah means "praise" and anyone who knows him knows that he exudes music and joy and enthusiasm.  We praise God for bringing us such a special gift and we pray that his life is poured out as a praise-offering for the Lord, drawing others to praise Him too.  Some have questioned changing his name, fearing for his little identity.  It is actually quite common within the adoption world to change children's names as they are now part of a new heritage.  We do not do this to dishonor where he comes from.  We are forever grateful to his birth parents for giving him life, but we do want to acknowledge the full adoption into our family.  It was also a unique opportunity to give him a name that spoke to what we pray will be his future.  God changed people's names often in scripture, telling them who He meant for them to be.  Judah was meant to praise his Maker and we pray he lives out this purpose!

Meet our family!  Photos courtesy of the talented Susie Whyte at Whyte House Photography!

God's Will?

We've all done it.  Something distressing, confusing, or negative happens and we quip, "It must be God's will!"  Sometimes it's not even a quip; we truly and deeply believe it.

While I absolutely believe that God is sovereign, I've started wondering if some of the things we assign to God's will are actually just products of living in a fallen and broken world.  Bodies die, people choose to sin, pain and suffering were ushered into the world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God.  That was not God's plan.

I'm a firm believer in saying what we actually mean, and when we say "It's God's will" I think what we really mean is..."I have no earthly idea why this would happen, but, somehow, God must be in this or my life makes no sense."  Without meaning or sense we would be lost, so we grasp at possible answers to ground ourselves, or sometimes, to lessen the responsibility that should rest on our own shoulders.

Lately, as I've studied the face of confusion and distress I have thought that the question isn't really, is this God's will or not?  The question is how will God use what has happened for His purpose and glory? 

I think there are many things that happen that aren't as God would plan it...sin for one.  And, when Satan waged war on God he was determined to bring about as many casualities as possible.  But the story tells us that our God is victorious.  And, He is a master at redeeming broken things for His purposes. 

Maybe the terrible or confusing thing that threatens to level our lives isn't God's will, but God will surely use that thing to bring glory to His name if we let Him. 

I can't in good conscience tell someone (or myself for that matter) that the pain they face was willed by God.  That would take responsibility off the shoulders of the people involved, or in the very least, ignore the fact that the world is a broken place, bearing the hallmarks of the Fall. 

But I can tell them that our God is bigger than all the brokenness and, while I can't fathom the intricacy of His plans in the least, I do know that ultimately His will is to show His mercy and redemption to the whole world, through us. 

So, let's not pretend that our little human minds can understand the entirety of God's will.  Instead, I'm going to choose to trust that no matter what happens, or why, I can trust that God has already made a plan to work it into His beautiful purposes, and find hope in the promise of a day where all pain is ended and all brokeness has been repaired...what a day to look forward to.

Not Flesh and Blood

I grew up knowing about spiritual warfare.  We studied verses like 1 Peter 5:8, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  But, even still, those people who seemed to attribute everything to the work of the devil and prayed constantly against his plans made me a little uncomfortable.

So, it has been much to my surprise that I in recent weeks I have begun to sound just like them.  For several weeks now I have been feeling the gravity of what Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

Since taking on the role of the church plant coordinator I have increasingly become aware of how small and how powerless I am.  But I have also become increasingly aware of the bigness and strength of the God we serve.  When I take my little self out of the center of the picture I can see the great cosmic battle between God and the Evil One...which does two things for me.  First, it makes me acutely aware that there is indeed powerful forces working against us.  Second, it makes me cling to the work of Jesus Christ as our only victory over them!

Not only is this true in our community but also in our personal lives.  For several weeks I have seen person after person on our staff and church plant team struggle against, what on the surface looks like flesh and blood, but underneath I am convinced is the work of the devil, who is prowling "like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  It has caused confusion, fear, disunity, guilt, discouragement and a miriad of other things with both small and large implications.  It is no coincidence that these things have flooded into our midst as we make plans to push back the spiritual darkness through church planting.  The devil is prowling; the spiritual forces are waging war.

But, I refuse to let us be devoured.  I refuse to walk in defeat when we are covered in victory.  We have been given the weapons of the winning army and I am praying earnestly that we use them in victory each day.  Stand in the strength of the Lord and pray we do the same!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might.   Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.  Ephesians 6:10-18

Like Heaven

I was focused on stuffing my face with BBQ hamburger and potato salad but then Andrew said, "I think this is what heaven will look like."

I looked up from my plate at the families that surrounded us.  Foster families, adoptive families.  Children, parents, friends...connected, not by blood or ethnicity or background, but by commitment to each other.  As I took note of the people, I realized the mixture was almost startling.

We are used to homogeneity.  Even in places we think diverse.  I think of my life as diverse.  I grew up in southern California, in a predominantly white neighborhood, but surrounded by predominantly Hispanic ones.  I now live in a neighborhood which is 98% African American.  I step in and out of different cultures on a fairly regular basis.

This was different.  This was a trail mix of humanity.  I scanned the park and meditated on the thought that Heaven would indeed look like this and it made me smile.

In Heaven no one will be surprised that no one looks the same!  The varying colors and backgrounds of our spiritual adoptive family will perfectly reflect the glory of God as we stand before His throne. 

I just feel blessed that our family is part of a community that reflects the varying shades of God's glory in heaven here on earth!

Carried to the Table

All of us struggle to live a redeemed life. 

Some of us forget it can't be done in our own power; others worry even Christ's power isn't strong enough for their particular brand of brokenness.  Some of us count on being competent people and trust that life and ministry can be checked off of our to-do list.  Still others shrink back in fear feeling unworthy of participating in God's plans. 

All of us forget.  We forget that it isn't about us.  We forget the goodness, the greatness, the love of our Savior.  We let ourselves eclipse the Son.  Whether you trust too much in your own power or trust too little in Christ's, we have all forgotten that "in Him all things hold together" (Col. 1:17).

Last night I heard "Carried to the Table" by Leeland for the first time.  It made me remember.  I am alive. I am saved, I am part of God's plan, because Christ made it possible.  You are alive, you are saved, and you can be part of His plans because Christ made it possible.

None of us belong in the warmth of His majesty, but we are here.

Take a moment and remember who carried us there.

Summer in the City

Sidewalk rainbows scrawled in chalk.  Kids bouncing from one foot to the other as they excitedly ring doorbells...one, two, three times!  Loud conversations from a nearby porch.  The smell of barbecue down the street.  Cars with soap and water running off until they shine.

The city comes alive in the summer.  Sometimes in the winter you can walk down the street and see no one, but warm weather fills the houses until people spill out onto their porches and into the street.  It is easy to spend hours with kids in the neighborhood and talking to adults who walk by.  Ministry opportunities abound in the summertime. 

But, along with the laughter there can also be flaring tempers.  Violence becomes the next resort.  People crowded together in the summer heat can get caught up in angry exchanges.  Under the cover of darkness people seek an empty satisfaction in revenge.  Pop! Pop! Pop! Gunfire becomes the solution.  In the face of violence, ministry opportunities abound in the summertime.

Whether at a neighborhood cookout playing beanbag toss with laughing kids, or standing with neighbors in the wake of violence, there are so many opportunities to share Christ's love with our neighbors in the summer.  Pray for our safety and for boldness to speak the love and truth of Christ to those around us.  Pray for our neighbors' safety and for their hearts to be softened toward the Gospel.  Pray for our summer programs and neighborhood cookouts to be successful in sharing with people the only One that can bring true joy and true healing...Jesus Christ.