The Long-Awaited Call

Days in the summer blur outside of their designated space; I have trouble remembering what day it is and which week we're marking off the calendar of programs. Summers are always intense and this one has not disappointed!

Two Thursdays ago we got a life-altering call, that turned the intense level up a notch! We were chosen as a pre-adoptive home for the cutest 2 1/2-year-old boy you've ever seen (OK, I may already be a little partial). Joy. Terror. Excitement. Anticipation. Overwhelmedness (Is that a word? Maybe not but you know the feeling). These are the feelings that have ensued since that call.

We met Little Man (that's what I'll call him since we cannot share photos or personal details about him on the internet until the adoption is finalized) a week and a half ago...really, only a week and a half? It seems longer in the blur of summer. We have already had a blast building a relationship with him and cannot wait to have him move in sometime in the next few weeks!

Just like everything else about our adoption journey it continues to be a test of our trust in the Lord and a testimony of His faithfulness. Through a series of events that can only be described as providential we found ourselves on the receiving end of an excited acceptance call from our licensing worker and Little Man's foster parents. Yet, there is still a journey ahead. This case is a legal risk placement, meaning there are many variables ahead and a daunting wait until adoption finalization can happen. This is not uncommon, particularly with younger children in the foster care system, but it is a test in trusting the Lord as we step out in faith and welcome this little guy into our lives.

God has continued to speak words to me about trusting in Him, even though everything in my controlling heart wants to rebel and subsequently freak out! One night while laying in bed worrying about the process I felt relief from Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight." The road looks long and winding right now and so much of this process makes me feel inadequate, but all I'm responsible for is clinging to God for dear life and trusting that whether or not this goes as we would hope that He will see us through any challenges ahead! But, we are praying for a smooth process and remaining hopeful!

I wish we could share his picture with you because he has, as Andrew says, a "Million Dollar Smile" and I already miss his sweet face when we do not have him with us. So many thoughts are spinning in my head right now, so that is all for now! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We have felt so loved by everyone's excitement for us!

I'm gonna be a Mom, yikes! :)

A Hot Mess

One of the guys from our basketball program has a shirt that says "I'm a Hot Mess"...Andrew told me I needed that shirt yesterday.

Does anyone else feel like the carefree days of summer are just a distant memory that may or may not have been real?  I feel like summer used to feel like one endless day of fun.  Even in college I had a few years when I was not in summer school and work was light and I took many trips to the beach...the good ol' days.  Now summer just feels like one endless....

Summer is not a vacation in grown-up land.  In fact, it has become the most stressful and hectic part of the year for me.  Because there is so much ministry that happens in the summer it has become a season I anticipate with both excitement and dread.

In case the disturbingly early and frequent heat advisories hadn't clued you in yet: it's summer and I'm already a hot mess.

Aside from the fact that while your body is sweating your brain is 10x more likely to go crazy on people (totally my personal opinion but I'm sure there must be scientific evidence), I have about three people's full-time jobs to take care of and for someone who needs focus to do things well...I feel like I'm losing my mind most days.  Add a healthy dose of emotional stress while we continue on our adoption journey and you've got a recipe for "Homicidal Adria"--and that is not someone any of us want to meet.

It's hard for me to claim the peace I have in Christ when the days are never ending and filled with frantic to-do lists.  It's hard for me not to feel alone in my humongous work load.  It's hard for me to center myself when I feel pulled in too many directions and the days just never seem to end.  It's hard for me to find patience stored in the deep recesses of my heart when I'm hot and sweaty and frantically trying to stay above water.

It's hard, but it's not impossible.  Or, at least the Bible tells me so.  And that is what I need to cling to.  There is peace despite the circumstances.  "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.  I need more of that in my life.  Some of the things that keep me going:


This photo is so peaceful to me. The color isn't great because it's a photo of a photo that Kelly gave me from his collection. We secretly named it "Hope for an INTJ." I love it and stand in the hall and stare at it on particularly rough days :).



That face has to make you smile.



I don't always like to admit it, but he keeps me calm and forces me to see the positive even if under duress.





OK, doing the "Human Knot" with a bunch of 12-15 year olds in a room with no AC is not the most calming activity, but I do love these kids.

Racial Reconciliation and Fried Banana Pudding

Earlier this week Andrew and I went out to dinner with our friends and neighbors from across the street.  We decided to go to a restaurant we had all been talking about where they serve more food on one plate than should be legal.

We got to the restaurant, sat down and started studying which glutinous sin we wanted to commit.  As we talked over the merits of fried chicken vs. porkchops a man came up behind our booth and interrupted our conversation.  He was one of the cleaning staff.

He leaned in and said, "What you guys are doing here is so great.  You don't see that very often around here.  It's really wonderful."  He said this as he gestured to our neighbors and then to us.

We didn't quite know how to respond.  After he left we looked at each other a little perplexed.  Our neighbors are African American.  We, obviously, are not.  It hadn't crossed our mind that someone would see us sharing a meal together and find that different, even inspiring. 

The man commenting on our friendship was also African American.  There was something a little off about him but he was very sincere.  As we were finishing up dinner, he came back by our table to talk some more.  The theme of his comments continued to touch on how much he thought our interracial friendship was a great example of something people don't usually engage in. 

At one point in the conversation our neighbor got distracted when a photo of the restaurant's Fried Banana Pudding dessert flashed up on the tv screen.  He asked our interested guest if it was any good.  "It's great," the man said.  "In fact I'll buy it for you, if you want it.  I think you guys are doing such a great thing, I'll order one for you."

And, since men don't turn down free food even if they just ate enough food for a small village, the husbands at the table said, "OK."

When we left the restaurant we laughed about the experience.  But even though we didn't think there was anything unusual about our time together, I felt a deep sadness for the employee.  He was so sincere about the issue that he must have experienced some significant hurt throughout the years.  He obviously felt deeply the racial bigotry and tension that still often lays under the surface in our politically correct culture.  It hurt me to think about that.  I don't like to think that race still means so much in our world, but it does.

We did take home some delicious friend banana pudding from the restaurant, but I also took away a heavy heart.  I pray that the man carried home with him a lighter heart.  Even if he didn't know Christ, I hope he might have felt some of Jesus' reconciling power just by seeing a very simple and uninspiring act of friends from different racial and cultural backgrounds sharing a meal together.

I am so thankful that we serve a God who sees us all as His beautiful children and that I have the privilege to look into the face of someone much different than me and see Him.

The Chair That Helped

When I'm under a lot of stress or emotional strain the only thing I want to do is sit in front of the TV and anesthetize my brain.  My brain rarely shuts off and sometimes I just want a break, so I find my favorite spot on the couch and tune out. 

However, I have found that this is exactly the opposite of what I need to pull myself out of a funk.  If I engage my brain in a creative activity I seem to find my equilibrium.  When I actually get up off the couch and write, or do a project...alone (my introverted self needs some time alone :)...I find myself able to recharge. 

This week, I spent time on this chair.  I found it at the new Goodwill Outlet for $4....I saw potential in it.

Unfortunately I couldn't clean the fabric well enough to keep the plaid, but with some vintage fabric I found up in the donations at the center awhile ago, some left over spray paint from a previous project, and a cheap staple gun I bought at Hobby Lobby with a 40% off coupin (love that store!) it turned out pretty nice!

Most importantly it gave me a creative outlet as I processed the week. And for about $8 that's a pretty good trade off!

When God Answers Prayers

The last few weeks have been dominated by prayer, by hopes and imaginings, by trying not to hope, by a cycle of peace and anxiety that has taken us round and round. 

Monday morning we had an interview for the possible adoption of a little boy.  By Monday evening we found out one of the other four families was chosen.  It was an emotionally intense day.  Days later we are still processing it all.

For just over a month we had been waiting and praying about the outcome, having been caught off guard by the opportunity to submit our homestudy for a 10-month-old boy.  From the moment we received the call about this case God used it to stretch us and challenge our expectations, but it also birthed the thoughts of a possible reality--one that brought the desired conclusion to our adoption process and a child into our home.

Even as our hearts were being secretly attached to this child we knew only on paper, we put up guards against possible disappointment and pain.  We tried not to think too much about it.  We asked close family and friends to pray and then attempted to dispassionately wait and pray.  The irony is that you cannot pray for something so intensely and remain dispassionate, even when your prayer is "Thy will be done."

Anxiety would creep in.  We battled it back with the knowledge of God's sovereignty.  Then anxiety would creep back in.  But, for me, the miracle was that the more we prayed for the situation and the more our hearts got attached to the idea of a future with this little boy, the deeper the sense of peace we felt that God would carry us through, whatever the outcome. 

By Monday morning Andrew and I and the whole process had been bathed in continual prayer from family and friends all over the country.  The prayer was for God's will to be done and for our peace through promises like the one found in Isaiah 26:3: "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You."  We are so grateful for our Christian family--they have wrestled for our peace.  Their toil has been our gain.

Receiving the call that we were not the family chosen was hard.  A child we were invested in is to be a permanent part of a stranger's family.  And maybe even more disappointing is the knowledge that we have not found the child intended for us and that we will have to face this situation again, and maybe again.

But, something I realized through this process is that I used to think that praying for God's will to be done meant I shouldn't invest in one side of the issue or the other.  Somehow I thought maybe to really mean that prayer I had to feel ambivalent.  But what really was going on was that I wanted to protect myself from feeling the disappointment that would come if the result wasn't what I had hoped for.  Or maybe I thought God would think I was taking back my prayer when I was grieved by the outcome.

However, when God answers our prayers for His will to be done with the answer our human hearts had not hoped for, He does not disapprove of our disappointment or heartache.  He does not ask for an impartial trust.  What He asks for is a trust that even if..., we will trust Him to carry us through the sorrow, through the confusion, and through the uncertain road before us.  This peace runs deeper than the anxiety or sorrow we are sure to experience.  It is resting in the knowledge of a good God whose timing is perfect and who holds the world and our hearts in His capable hands.  It is knowing that He will answer saints' prayers for His will to be done and that He is near enough to comfort us in the wake of His hand.

God has given Andrew and I peace.  We are still processing our disappointments, but we are certain that God is faithful and that He will continue to provide for us in ways we could not ask for or imagine.  Thank you for those of you who have prayed for our peace...God does answer prayer.

The Nature of Church

I've come to believe that the true nature of Church, and by Church I mean THE Church, the Body of Christ, is transformational.  We cannot engage the Body of Christ as we were meant to and stay the same.  God has taken people of all cultures and races and experiences and fused us into one body that is purposed towards one vision--the glory and expansion of the Kingdom of God. 

The problem is that most of us don't approach church this way.  We approach it looking to find a community of believers that affirms exactly who we are and gives us exactly what we think we need...is the style of worship just right? are people generally like me?  do they have the best program for my kids?  are they hip and "cutting-edge"?  The list goes on and on with the expectations we bring to church, and the result is that we have made Church (big C) into church (small c).  And church (small c) is, by nature, a business that caters to the endless stream of Christian desires for self-affirmation and we've lost our vision in the smallness of what we've become.

One thing I've learned in the last five years working at World Impact is that the Body of Christ is made up of a lot of people I wouldn't normally attach myself too if left to my own selfish desires.  And, that American individualism and the "right to choose" has given us countless opportunities to run away from having to deal with the fact that the world doesn't revolve around us!  Church (big C) was never intended to let you be who you are, it was meant to let you be who you were intended to be...and that takes some hard work done in the context of community.

Andrew and I were just talking with a friend recently about styles of worship in church and how fixated we are as the American church on the style of a services.  We want a pastor who will soon be writing books and having YouTube clips bouncing around Facebook and we want worship that gives us goosebumps.  We want small groups that "get us" and outreach that looks really "missional" with the least amount of daily investment.  It's gotten to the point that we choose churches that make us feel good instead of churches that make us a more functional part of the Body of Christ.

If you go to a Christ-centered church and can't worship the Lord because of the style of service, that's not a style problem, that's a You problem.  If you think the nature of Church is to be conflict free and easy, then you will spend your whole life running away and never engage in the mission God has for us...and isn't that exactly what Satan is looking for?

Try picking a small group full of people you would never usually hang out with and commit to working through the conflicts that may ensue.  Pray that God teaches you to sense the Holy Spirit in more that really moving music.  Try changing yourself as you commit to a body of believers rather than expecting they change for you. 

I heard a pastor talk recently about our tendency to approach the ways of God by checking them against our own reason and logic.  We tend to choose the aspects of God that fit in with our world view and reject or ignore the others.  But the Scriptures say that God's thoughts and ways are as high above ours as the sky is above the earth.  I think we've done this with church.  We have taken God's purpose for the Church (big C) and made it into church (small c) because it feels better in the moment.  We've limited God by our selfishness and stymied the expansion of His Kingdom in our own lives and our communities.

If the nature of Church is about bringing the transformational power of Christ to our lives and our communities, that means we shouldn't try to squeeze it into our own personal world-view.  We should approach it with reverence, knowing there may be things about the Church that we don't understand or that in our limited understanding we wish were different.  That's OK.  Embrace it.  It's a process but the more I am working on this the deeper my understanding of community has become, the more I am able to see Christ in even the most unlikely places.   

I want to think big.  I want to accept the fact that God knows everything we don't and that we will have to change our thoughts and ways in order to go on mission with Him.  Let's not make church about me or about you, we're much too small a vision.  Let's make church about God and commit to seeing ourselves and the world changed by Him.  Now, that's a mission I can get excited about!

They Made It, Thank the Lord!!

It was a day we all were not quite sure would come.  Life throws our youth a lot of curve balls and a graduation celebrates more than just the work of the graduate!  It takes a dedicated teen, teachers, parents, and a whole team of supportive people to see this day come to fruition.  Andrew and I were so proud to attend the local graduation where we went to see Laniecha and her cousin Renelle graduate. Laniecha's mother smiled at me and said, "This is my degree right here!!"

We were pleased to see that at least three of the young men who attend our basketball program were also graduating!! 

Between Andrew and I we've known the girls and their families for seven or eight years.  Both are beautiful girls with lots of dreams and two sweet little sons.  We pray that God will continue to keep them and that they will seek to follow the Lord with the rest of their lives.  They made it to graduation, but there is so much more life for them to accomplish and that too will take a community of godly support.